A New Year...??

Tart, vodka-y lemon drops have got to be the best thing in the world. They have carried me through countless nights of social anxiety, depression, celebration, and reflection. Tonight I sip one to cope. That's a word we use at work to describe how "our kids" (clients) learn socially appropriate behavior to handle how their differently wired brains respond to difficult situations. ...I find I have much in common with them.

A new year is classically supposed to feel like a fresh slate. We make new resolutions, leave behind our old unfulfilled ones and move on with the hope of the next year bringing x. This year, Tim and I had the lofty goal of being happier. As soon as he wrote it in his new blue journal, I almost teared up. How honest of us. And how sad. Let's be honest. 2010 has been a bitch. Am I right? You have had your children die, your husbands leave you, our friends betrayed us, we were all poor (I think)...am I missing anything? And for what? I asked myself. Good riddance 2010. I've never been happier to see a year in my rear view mirror.

Another sip of my lemon drop and I'm on to bigger (albeit more depressing) questions. Tim and I were musing about the world's population growing so large, and we jokingly were saying, "and another person was just born....and someone died...and someone else was just born...and someone just died." And it seemed so asinine that there are that many people in this world. Yet those births and deaths are just numbers to me--statistics. And to 99% of the world, I'm just a number. So in the grand scheme of things, we are all just being born and dying all the time. And what are we doing with our lives??? We are working at jobs to save for retirement so that we can decay in peace. OR we are spending every waking moment looking for food. OR we are running from corruption, violence, and who knows what else. And all for what???

Anecdote: When I was about 15, I attended a conference called DYC (District Youth Conference). Thousands of kids listened to sermons about witnessing to the lost and sang passionate love songs to God. And then! We all practiced what we learned and went out street witnessing to the poor general public (I say poor because I'm sorry they had to endure it). I don't remember much of it except one exchange. I walked up to a homeless woman to share with her the "salvation message". She looked at me and said, "Tell me. What is the point of life? Why are we here" and I remember, so distinctly, feeling the passion in my little heart and my eyes filling up with tears answering her, "to bring glory to God". I knew that was the answer, and I felt it so acutely. Her response was less than encouraging.

And now I find myself asking the same question: Why are we here? To experience love? To learn how much we need God? To experience relationship with Him? To learn how much it sucks to be human? To feel need? And I'm not just asking tritely. I'm not asking because I have an answer I'm waiting to share. Why are we here? I don't believe it's to find salvation. But I'm happy to be argued with...as always. (Sidenote: have you noticed how so many people don't like to be argued with? They don't enjoy the discussion I suppose. I love it; I think it promotes truth, journeying and relationship. Soapbox finished.)

Well, lemon drop is almost done and so are my thoughts. On to pour over my writing sample for grad school. Can I just say that I am soooo done with this corporate bull@$&*?? I don't thrive here. Suppose I should knit tightly with Musing's musings. :)

Thoughts??