the darker days.

oh depression you unwelcome lover. Slipping in sapping away my creativity. Stealing my gumption. Reaching your long fingers down inside me and twining fear around my hopes. How can I fight you? You who make me feel defeated, how do I defeat you? Or how do I sit with you in my own power without relinquishing it to you?
oh depression you unwelcome lover. Turning sunshine into dreadful reminder of what I'm not, of what I don't feel. You who poison springtime flowers and delicious smells into superfluous details. Why do you seduce me into nothingness? Siren of emptiness, calling me to your bosom of feelinglessness. How shall I resist oh depression, you unwelcome lover.

I can't seem to start working this semester. Every time I sit down with as much determination as I can muster, I feel it melting away. It almost feels like some part of me is quite intentionally shutting down any efforts to work or be productive. I'm trying to give myself grace and push into this struggle. It's hard to know if it should be honored or swept up and thrown into the light breeze. Each speck of dust a fear, a bit of anger, some clouds of remorse, feathers of exhaustion. Can they be released so easily? I wonder.