Feb 1st. Feb 1st. Nuh nah. Nuh nah.
I suppose I've been entertaining the idea of SUCH a change so much that I haven't given the possibility (and honestly, likelihood) that I might not get accepted to these schools. But I felt that reality sink in a bit deeper
yesterday. In my mind, I'm already planning on when I can quit this job and begin relocating to the east coast. I'm dreaming about school, papers and walking everywhere I need to go. And I've been thinking about all that that entails: the adventure, the loneliness, the stimulations, the newness, the isolation. Good, bad, good, bad. And I'm so hoping and striving toward change; I feel a tinge of panic if I don't get accepted. I don't want to keep straggling along in this job where they don't appreciate me. And the questions arise:
yesterday. In my mind, I'm already planning on when I can quit this job and begin relocating to the east coast. I'm dreaming about school, papers and walking everywhere I need to go. And I've been thinking about all that that entails: the adventure, the loneliness, the stimulations, the newness, the isolation. Good, bad, good, bad. And I'm so hoping and striving toward change; I feel a tinge of panic if I don't get accepted. I don't want to keep straggling along in this job where they don't appreciate me. And the questions arise:
What if I don't get accepted?
What will effect the change for us?
Where will we go?
I just am finishing up being here in Sacramento. I sense this chapter closing. I suppose I just need to wait to March 15. That's when I will know about school. Thank goodness it's such a short waiting time. But I find myself already geared for something new. If it's not school, what will it be?
What do you think? What shall I do if I don't get into school? Where shall we go?
Nah Nuh. Nah Nuh.
Perhaps it's the sound of change?
Oh sister. Be in the moment...here, right now. Not living 1 year ahead of yourself. It's an exciting time, so it's super hard. Being devastated right now about an acceptance or rejection that doesn't exist cannot be good for one's anxiety level...just sayin. wink.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's thinking it, I'm just saying it...
ReplyDeleteSeattle.
I've always said that shark attacks happen way more frequently than people think...
ReplyDeleteI love that you confront your feelings of anxiety head on. They are real. They are vicious. But dang it, soon they will pass. And the few that survive shark attacks have one hell of a story to tell afterward.
Maybe I took that analogy too far. I'm just an analogy guy.
As Tim says, those of us that survive shark attacks have one heck of a story to tell. I have the scars to prove it. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are ready for adventure. Let that be the truth. Grad School is just a passport application to a new adventure. If that application gets rejected, you just find a new one to fill out.
It's about the new: there's a ton of new out there for you.
I hope it's Grad School. But I'm really just excited to visit your next house, which will be my new favorite vacation spot. :)